A few thoughts about sleep

Tiredness is a bitch. There, I said it. Getting up in the morning feeling like I never actually went to sleep is a horrible sensation. 

My head is ringing with a hangover-style buzz. I feel sick. The kind of sick you feel when you are unbelievably nervous, waiting for some bad news. My body hurts like I’ve just done a 24 hour bootcamp. In fact every now and then I get the shakes as if my muscles have given up on me. But none of the above is true. I just have a baby.

To be completely honest I sometimes feel anxious once night time arrives. Boy 1 is in bed. Hubby will home from work and might put Boy 2 to bed. The house is peaceful. But I know it won’t last. I know that even before I’ve got myself ready for bed, I’ll be upstairs settling and feeding. Then once I’m in bed I’ll be looking at the clock wondering how many hours or minutes’ rest I’ll get before I’m back up. Then the whole cycle will repeat throughout the night until it’s time to get up and face the day. When will this torture end?? 

It’s strange how tiredness can really impact your daily life. Every decision seems so much harder (Nutella or butter on my cold toast I didn’t get chance to eat??). Lifting and shifting the tiniest of objects feels like such a strain. I operate at a slower pace, meaning I’m probably then late to wherever I need to be, adding to the stress. And the combination of all these makes me  irritable, emotional and somewhat irrational. 

I know you’ll agree! 

Thankfully I’ve been here before and guess what… I survived. It gets better. It gets easier. I can’t predict when it will happen but at some point Boy2 will wake less. He will actually sleep through the whole night. One day I’ll be the one waking HIM up! It might be tomorrow, it might be next year. But I know it won’t always be like this. This is just training. The initiation into the parenting club. 

Get through this and you can get through anything. Believe me, one day you’ll long for those midnight cuddles again…..

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